La gringa idiota

Oof! Well, I have just been TERRIBLE keeping up with this blog. No excuses, I've just been lazy and distracted. In apology, here is a list of ridiculous things that have happened to me so far:

1. Drinking pisco sours with Belgiums my second night at altitude. Cocky from living in Colorado, I ordered a second drink. Altitude of course hits, and when I get up to leave at the end of the night, I straight up FALL OFF MY CHAIR INTO THE BAR. 2 drinks! Only 2 drinks and I wake up hungover with a welt the size of a credit card on my face. I've been telling people it's from getting whacked by a branch in the jungle, but you know the awful truth: Belgiums.

2. Making friends with a bunch of Peruvian hippy musicians in Pisac. By the end of my stay, I somehow ended up on the top of a mountain with a guy whose name translates as "Sunrise" waving crystals over my head and desperately trying not to giggle. Sunrise tells me that I should wear amethyst and that my journey will hold "many great discoveries." Thanks dude.

3. Taking a very poorly thoughtout "shortcut" path from the Ollantaytambo ruins to my hostel. I ended up on the wall of someone's backyard pigsty (complete with fuzzy black pigs) with 2 terriers and a puppy barking at me, nettles EVERYWHERE and a bunch of neighbors laughing their asses off. To get out, I had to inch bit by bit along the 5 foot stone wall to the road. I practically fell into a canal trying to get down. Though honestly, I'm just glad no one was home to ask me what the heck I was doing in their backyard. Anyways, no more shortcuts.

4. Wandering into what I thought was a fancy Ollantaytambo restaurant, complete with traditional weavings and a wine list, and hearing the Glee soundtrack blasting. So I ate guinea pig to the strains of Leah Michelle blasting out Journey. That one's not so much humbling as just completely surreal.

So. There you have it. The foreign idiot moments. Overall, though, it's been gorgeous. I headed out for Machu Picchu two days ago, and it was, of course, striking and overwhelming. Though I was more struck by the precarious, stunning mountain perch than the (admittedly fabulous) ruins. It's hard to strike the right cord here - all the tourist hype and guides trying to sell "the perfect Machu Picchu experience" gets me rebelliously thinking "I ain't payin' that to see a pile of rocks in the jungle." But if you don't approach it with an attitude of some wonder, it's not nearly as striking.

Aguas Calientes, the BIZARRE hellhole of a tourist town right below the ruins, did not help with this dileman. To bring up an obscure reference, it is like the spitting image of the surreal 80s commercialist hellhole town in Fellini's Ginger and Fred (best clip I could find was here, but if you've seen it, I stayed in a hotel that was pretty much the exact same as the one where Amelia does those weird mouth exercises). But waking up early to watch the thick fog slowly reveal the the stones of Machu Picchy was nothing short of old school magic. So: a mix.

Anyways, it's been lovely, interesting and an odd mashup of tourist, backwater and ancient. But I running away from these mountains to the colonial valley. Next stop, Arequipas. And don't worry, I'll stay away from pigs.